i need to stop obsessing about our future. i'm driving mike and myself nuts. so... SO LONG FUTURE! good bye thoughts and dreams of our house- decorating and painting all the rooms. see ya later thoughts of babies. Lord knows i have too many of these. Yes these are things that we will pick up back in the Fall again but right now its not gonna happen. Buying our first house or getting pregnant will not make my husband come home any sooner. so for now i will not talk about it... or at least try my damnest!
i need to focus on the current things. like seeing mike in 9 days. our annual black friday/christmas kick off party. making our first christmas card together. new years. finishing school and my extern. starting my real job. bon fires. 4 wheeling trips. all these fun things are happening right now. not in a year not in 2 years. now. i can't keep wishing my years away or i will regret it. i start my extern in exactly 2 weeks. i feel like i'm going to throw up but its finally here. pretty soon i will just work monday thru thursday. i have no attachments. no adorable but needy babies. my husband is traveling to some pretty fun places that it would be hard to just randomly up and leave if we had kids. i'm refocusing things for now. don't think i wouldn't feel like the most blessed person on the earth if i was pregnant but for now i'm gonna be crazy carefree cayla again. for once in my life i have nothing to plan. no wedding. no school. nada.
its going to be rough for an over obsessive gal like me but it will be good for me. after all isn't all this what i used to plan and think about? i think so.