Thursday, September 23, 2010

my heart is in colorado.

life sucks right now. i know i'm being a baby slash super dramatic and not like me but screw it. i'm feeling sorry for myself. if i had the option i would lay in bed and not get up but unfortuantly school and work won't let me. i'm just about over this long distance thing. what am i doing? why did the one person i want for the rest of my self have to be impossible. oh i know its all worth it in the end blah blah but really. i'm not happy with anything which is just pathetic because i do have a great life and am blessed so how do i get outta this funk? i'm so tired of pretending like life is okay i'm okay. i'm not. i'm hitting my breaking point earlier than i should be.

i went yesterday and got us pre approved for a house... with my mom. NOT who i'm suppose to be filling out paper work with. i'm so tired of people asking when i got married and than asking how it is. people it hasn't fucking changed. we had 2 weeks together and he went right on back to colorado. i've seen him 6 days since yeehaw. some lady told me i better learn to cook to keep him around. lady, he's not here so who cares if i even grocery shop?! i want mike home. for good. i want to go pick out our new house and than go shop for a puppy since the baby deal is not happening for little longer. besides can't get pregnant without him around! i just want to feel normal again. i make plans than bail cause i can't put on this act anymore. i'm done. i've hit the wall.

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