countdowns make my life.

first count down: one hour and 15 minutes until my dear friends sam, ashley and of course jocey come watch gossip girl :-) decorated halloween cookies included hoorah.

second: 2 and a half days until i'm boarding a flight to denver to see that handsome lineman of mine. some things we have planned are "the scariest haunted house ever"(mike and jake did their research), coyote ugly (love being 21), bass pro shop (basically my favorite place), coors factory (nothing like warm, free beer!) possibly a halloween party with a good friend from t.f. (he goes to school in boulder now) and of course laying in bed with my sweet husband for the whole day of thursday. i can't wait...

third: exactly one week left of school! i did my first polishing today on a med student and rocked it! i love my future career.

fourth: goes along with end of school, i start my extern a week from tomorrow!! now this is a huge scary step that i cannot wait to take. this is what its all been leading up to. eeeekkkk. so nervous but i know my stuff so i should be alright ;)

fifth: less than one month until mike gets to come back into town for thanksgiving!! we just booked our ticket. i'm already starting to plan our annual (well its only the second year but still...) ornament party/ black friday/kick off christmas party! any ideas for a clever name???? :)

sixth: two months i will be hopefully done with all my hours, maybe not with all the holidays and time off the dentist takes. and of course christmas! woohoo! :) which of course mike comes home again for a good week and a half 2 weeks. best christmas present!

well lots of fun wonderful things happening and of course those are just the major things! i have a few trips planned to see jussy in the tri cities, see mason in lewiston, portland to see family, montana to see my favorite lineman boys, and of course all the great friends i have here in town! anyways will write again after my trip!! :-)

so long future!

i need to stop obsessing about our future. i'm driving mike and myself nuts. so... SO LONG FUTURE! good bye thoughts and dreams of our house- decorating and painting all the rooms. see ya later thoughts of babies. Lord knows i have too many of these. Yes these are things that we will pick up back in the Fall again but right now its not gonna happen. Buying our first house or getting pregnant will not make my husband come home any sooner. so for now i will not talk about it... or at least try my damnest!

i need to focus on the current things. like seeing mike in 9 days. our annual black friday/christmas kick off party. making our first christmas card together. new years. finishing school and my extern. starting my real job. bon fires. 4 wheeling trips. all these fun things are happening right now. not in a year not in 2 years. now. i can't keep wishing my years away or i will regret it. i start my extern in exactly 2 weeks. i feel like i'm going to throw up but its finally here. pretty soon i will just work monday thru thursday. i have no attachments. no adorable but needy babies. my husband is traveling to some pretty fun places that it would be hard to just randomly up and leave if we had kids. i'm refocusing things for now. don't think i wouldn't feel like the most blessed person on the earth if i was pregnant but for now i'm gonna be crazy carefree cayla again. for once in my life i have nothing to plan. no wedding. no school. nada.

its going to be rough for an over obsessive gal like me but it will be good for me. after all isn't all this what i used to plan and think about? i think so.

just crackin a smile.

okay not much for tryin to turn my wondering mind into a blog so this may be kinda spuratic but its alright....

i'm learing to cook/bake. i suck. i really do but want to be that mom who cooks every night for her charming husband and beautiful babies. i have 2 years to figure it out so in the mean time my wonderful mama has decided to help! one day a week i cook dinner. nothing fancy just a random dish i will be able to whip up in between running my kids to sports and classes, ya know the usual. than another the other day a week i bake something. i have dominated the banana cake recipe!! look what i'm bring to home room!! hah. i am starting to really like being in the kitchen attempting to do these dishes. besides i LOVE spending time with my mom. just blabbin on about life. its probably my favorite thing.

i'm also focusing back into yoga. i have always loved it but slacked majorly in keeping up. so fridays i'm taking a class again and after meeting up with my 2 wonderful friends robyn and brandy who are tackling this goal with me. these 2 girls always keep me level headed in my pathetic life and don't let me act like it for long. :)

i'm also in the hunt for a sewing machine. nothing fancy just simple. i want to learn to make simple things. my ultimate goal make a sweet quilt. mikes lineman quilt that i think i mentioned already

anyways thats my current brain. i'm off to bed. so excited to be crashing before 11!!! go me!!

my heart is in colorado.

life sucks right now. i know i'm being a baby slash super dramatic and not like me but screw it. i'm feeling sorry for myself. if i had the option i would lay in bed and not get up but unfortuantly school and work won't let me. i'm just about over this long distance thing. what am i doing? why did the one person i want for the rest of my self have to be impossible. oh i know its all worth it in the end blah blah but really. i'm not happy with anything which is just pathetic because i do have a great life and am blessed so how do i get outta this funk? i'm so tired of pretending like life is okay i'm okay. i'm not. i'm hitting my breaking point earlier than i should be.

i went yesterday and got us pre approved for a house... with my mom. NOT who i'm suppose to be filling out paper work with. i'm so tired of people asking when i got married and than asking how it is. people it hasn't fucking changed. we had 2 weeks together and he went right on back to colorado. i've seen him 6 days since yeehaw. some lady told me i better learn to cook to keep him around. lady, he's not here so who cares if i even grocery shop?! i want mike home. for good. i want to go pick out our new house and than go shop for a puppy since the baby deal is not happening for little longer. besides can't get pregnant without him around! i just want to feel normal again. i make plans than bail cause i can't put on this act anymore. i'm done. i've hit the wall.

7 weeks is nothing.

the h2o concert was amazing!! so much fun. i couldn't have had better dates... those boys crack me up! but now its back to reality, again. i have 7 weeks before i fly to denver to see mike for the weekend. the longest we've gone is about 10 weeks so we can do this. plus its almost easier to do the distance thing with the same last names, i know its weird but it helps me out a little.

with the thought of trying to keep busy to make the weeks fly by i have to do what i always do, set some goals!
1. work work work. may as well right? in about 2 and a half month i will be on my intern site not making anything and not able to work... phewy so better work my booty off now!
2. school. main focus right there. along with my 7 weeks to see mike i also only have 7 weeks until my actual school is done! this is incredible time thought for me. i feel like i have been working towards this forever so its really exciting for me! keep up my great grades!
3. get back into running. i love running. i'm one of the few who actually need to run. i just slacked off after the wedding so back to it!
4. not keep myself holed up in my house like i know i will try to do. so if youre reading this and i make up a lame excuse please drag me out!

its hard. but we can do it.

i feel like a den mom!

so i'm a retard. i booked mikes ticket for this weekend about 3 weeks ago and i screwed up. i'm so used to flying i put my name instead of his... a few choice words later mike managed to get the ticket to his name. you're not suppose to trade flights i guess? oh well its all good now he's on his way home as we speak! :) yay!

i am kinda liking this whole barely work thing. today i was able to get caught up and ahead with school work, cleaned house, cleaned out the house... man i have a lot of random books!... i finally ordered our thank you cards, got all wedding pictures in frames and hung out, make cookies enough for this weekend and for him to take home to the boys, i made sandwiches for everyone tomorrow for the big concert day, got enough beer to get us all in a good mood :) and now i'm killing time before i pick my hubby up! this weekend is gonna fly by... we're leaving at 10 tomorrow and probably wont get back until way late and than we turn around and mike leaves at 1 on sunday. its a quick trip but i get a kiss :)

well until next friends!

most productive day!

wow what a day! i finally got my name changed, officially not just facebook official :) it wasn't too bad just took all damn day to get my new license, social security, bank accounts all the mail in my name, blah, blah, blah! now i'm blogging a little while i'm baking cookies before a few friends come over for a movie night. one of the reasons i love fall so much, curling up with new and old movies and good friends.

my birthday was on sunday the big 21! yeeehaaaw! it certainly wasn't like the typical 21 run but thats okay because i'm so not the shot shot shot kinda girl. i was happy with my coors. mike wasn't planning on coming home but my mom said it was stupid for him not to. so he flew home and we were able to spend time together without dealing with wedding stuff. i love love love staying up all night just talking about our future. mike is ready for kids now. i am too i would love to have a baby now but i don't want to do it with him states away and never knowing when he can come home. we're thinking in about a year we'll start trying so by the time baby mcbride comes into the world he'll be home or at least close to being home. all in due time :) we just signed our lease again for 6 more months than its house shopping time! i love when our lives seem to fall into place. ha ha picture perfect mcbride household minus daddy for now!

i know probably no one has even noticed all the hurricane talk because it hasn't been bad and it is so far away but as a linewife i think its in my dna to watch the weather channel and hope it hits!! now i know this is terrible BUT this is what mike has been livin for... STORM TIME!! not only does it give him his crazy boy rush, and great experience but helloooo major paychecks. after talking to the older lineman storm checks are what pay for the toys and new cars all in cash. we just want to pay off my school loan and uhmmm a nice down payment for our house. its terrifying if i sit and think about the weeks i won't talk to mike wondering if he's okay or even alive. him up on that pole with the storm raging around. its scary but mike is smart i listen to him talk about his work and he knows his shit. besides i spent years watching my dad leave in the middle of the night to go on sniper hunts and call outs. that was all just prep for me to be a calm, patient line wife :) thanks dad!!